DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Written by Jeremy Limpens
I often get asked a question. “Why do you live on a boat?” While I know with great clarity the answer to this question, I often respond with a similar but different question. I ask, “Why do you live in a house?” To this day, I’m yet to meet a person that has an answer to that question.
We have a tendency to live a life that is akin to a plane on automatic pilot on a long haul flight. We are inclined to become creatures of habit, often not questioning our path. We are born into what we believe is the truth, something we call reality; The truth we believe to be right, however, is merely a construct of the context in which we live. Whether it be the type of house in which we live, the religion to which we subscribe, the sport we watch, our political views, beliefs about love, war, friendships, parenting and so on, we often fail to see it’s only one of many ways. We are often blind to other ways of seeing.
Our educational system teaches us one way of viewing the world, and our construct of relationships is an indoctrination based on an antiquated institutional paradigm. That’s not to say it does not add value to our lives, far from it. It offers us something to believe in, a compass that offers direction, a moral framework that guides us, and provides us with an essential sense of belonging. Without it, we become lost, directionless in an often confusing world filled with temptations and false promises. It also means we don’t have to think too much about how we live. Even if we are not truly happy with our lives, the certainty and security can be enticing. The result is a life on autopilot, with something external to us dictating our direction and destination. In many ways it’s easier, safer. And we get to blame others when it’s not going ‘right’.
There is of course a flip side. A life where we subscribe to world views as though they are the absolute truth, or if we fail to review our beliefs, attitudes and approach as we move through the various chapters of our life, we are more likely to live a life that is not aligned with our true essence. We end up living a life as though it was a script in a movie. A story line that we didn’t write and don’t align with.
Often, what worked for us in a previous phase of our life, doesn’t work in the next one. The behaviours and beliefs that served a purpose in childhood, are unlikely to serve us well in our adult life. Our approach during our single years, most likely won’t work in a relationship. And as we evolve over the years, so too should our approach to life. That means change.
We end up living a life aligned with what we think we should do, or more accurately, what we believe others think we should do. We attempt to please others, instead of trusting our inner wisdom. We are guided by fear instead of trusting in the journey. We spend a life trying to get it ‘right’, but along the way fail to realise this concept of ‘right’ is only a perception based on the relatively small world in which we exist.
Failing to trust our innate sense of knowing means living a life that is not truly ours. We often are guided by the voices in the head, voices that are a byproduct of other people’s views; the views of parents, friends, media, religions, educational settings, marketing, politics, etc. etc. It’s as though we have a tape recording in our head, and we end up believing that this is the truth. Imbedded in these thoughts are the source of the fear we feel when we think about doing something different, the guilt we sense when our approach doesn’t align with the expectations of others, or the anxiety we feel when our choices or behaviours don’t match the status quo.
We can become stuck in a cycle of shame, with the belief that “I am not enough” in the eyes of others. We end up feeling imprisoned without being in prison. The sense of entrapment festers in our mind, and ends up feeling like there is no way out. We go on to resent those we believe are the cause. Resentful of those in our own life, resentful of those we don’t even know, and resentful of ourselves for the lack of courage to do something different.
So what’s the problem with the status quo? Quite simply, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to life nor to people. While we all have some similarities as humans, irrespective of color, race, religion, education or wealth, we are all unique. If someone tells you there are three steps to success, or seven steps to happiness, you’ve just met someone that fails to understand the essence of what it is to be human. Every human is unique, shaped by countless moments and experiences that go on to influence our thoughts, behaviours and traits.
So what is the answer? It’s found in saying no to the status quo, letting go of self imposed limitations in the form of our thoughts, and to trust that inner sense of what is the path that feels best in that moment. That’s not to say the chosen path is free of struggle and tumultuous times, far from it. Following your own way is not the safe way, nor does it come with a guarantee of endless happiness or freedom. It is however filled with self-discovery and the chance to experience life to its fullest. It’s about feeling the full spectrum of emotions, embracing what life has to throw our way, and to find our OWN way. To not be governed by fear, but rather guided by curiosity, openness and acceptance. It’s about learning from the things that didn’t go quite as expected, and living a life without regret even when we get it ‘wrong’.
People for the most part, tend not to regret what they do. We are inclined to regret the things we didn’t do or say. We regret not taking a chance. We kick ourselves for listening to the voice in the head or the voices of others, instead of trusting our heart.
The status quo is safe, but tends to result in a life of regrets. Living the status quo is like the hands on a clock, going around and around only to return to the same point, doing the same thing over and over again. Our days end up looking like the repetition of the seasons, a cyclical nature that repeats itself time and time again. A life worth living should not be repetitive. Life is a continuum, starting at the beginning and ending at the end, with new opportunities along the way.
Each day is a new beginning, with new possibilities. Each season should be lived like never before. The truth is, you’ve never experienced this day before. Just because we do ‘Monday’ every 7 days, doesn’t mean it should be lived like a reoccurring dream. Just because your life is comfortable, or your job is secure, doesn’t mean you should accept it. Mix it up, live a little, dare to do something different, do what you need to do. There is however no point in wanting something different if you’re not willing to take a chance and do something different.
If you do what you need to do, you are more likely to find your true way. It means not being influenced by the opinions of others, and not being fearful of being rejected by those around you. It requires not letting others control you. It’s about tuning into your self and owning your inner truth. It requires you to trust that things will go where they need to go, trusting in the nature of life. It requires you to let go of what you previously thought of as being the absolute truth, and realising that in order to find yourself, you need to lose yourself.
You need to fail, to get it wrong, to experience loss, heartache, and confusion, in order to find the sense of home that was sitting within you from the beginning. It requires you to take a risk, to say ‘fuck it!’ to the status quo, and to be willing to walk on unfamiliar and unstable ground. In order to find your way, you need to become lost. You need to let go of who you think you are or whom you think others should be.
It requires the ability to separate yourself from the script in the head, to not fall prey to the misguided emotional responses relating to yesterday, and resist the anxiety-based assumptions about tomorrow. It requires you to do what it is you need to do today. To do things that align with your purpose and the life you want.
Ask yourself this: if you were to write a list of what makes you happy, and write a separate list of the things you do each day, how close would those two lists be? Do what you need to do to make the two lists match.
You can’t have everything, but you can have more than you’ve allowed yourself to have. By that, I’m not referring to the things we consume, or the things we buy. It relates to our ability to just be, without having to go somewhere or be something we are not. It’s found in the things that create the feelings we desire, often in the simple things.
It’s about letting go of yesterday, not overthinking tomorrow, and embracing more of the present moment. It’s about following your instinct and doing what you need to do so you don’t live a life of not doing the things you wished you did. This journey is without a destination, because life is a continuum with no end in sight. It’s made up of a series of present moments, one after the other, with each day being an opportunity to influence our path, our emotional mood state, our sense of direction, and our connection with self and others.
It’s about finding comfort in being vulnerable, being okay with getting it wrong, accepting that you’ll be misguided in the eyes of others. It requires a knowing that no matter what, life will go where it needs to go. And along the way, there will be all the emotional highs and lows of any good roller coaster ride. It requires you to cherish the good emotions, and accepting the not so pleasant ones. And along the way, being kind to yourself and others, even when others are not. Do what you need to do, and allow others to do the same.